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[16 Sep 2007|10:55pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
] |
Fuck Broadway Calls.
Yeah, I said it.
Let's fight.
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(2 angels | hear you me)
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| "whoever is righteous, let him be righteous still..." |
[29 Sep 2006|08:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Johnny Cash "The Man Comes Around" |
] |
I am insanely lonely. Why do people have to have jobs? Cash is not here either but that is both a good thing and a bad thing (bad thing because I miss him and it's really quiet in here, good thing because he has been a huge twat lately). So without Cash and Byron, I'm pretty much a man alone out here. I always have a headache and want to sleep.
Other than doing nothing, there has been some progress with school. At the end of this semester, I will have completed my AA and will be transferring to UNM to get a BA in psychology. I was initially terrified of this but now I'm at peace with it and actually kind of excited. Being able to take all these classes that interest me is so much more appealing than community college. Pretty much the next two years will be devoted entirely to school because I want to get this ish done. I am pretty confident that I will rule at this. (It takes one to know one)
Oh, I guess the other interesting thing that I'm doing is helping my mom with her book. I suppose now I'm old enough to appreciate them and I like being a part of the process. I have done some research and filing and analyses. She makes me feel like my role is really important and I feel awesome about contributing to such a prestigious text.
So that's pretty much my life right now. I'm excited about autumn. I can't stop thinking about cheese and pickle subs from Subway. I find myself constantly reflecting upon the past 20 years of my life. I am obsessed with reading books, but I've also become addicted to TV. I take melatonin to sleep so I'm off prescription drugs but it dries out my mouth at night. My hair is getting kind of long. I am dying for a new digital camera and a Hello Kitty bowling ball. Hockey starts soon but I'm nervous it will suck. I miss when I used to not care what people thought about me. I miss Raphaela. My ankle hurts.
he got big.
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(1 angel | hear you me)
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| "sometimes i think i am out of my league and then sometimes i think i can dream..." |
[16 Aug 2006|09:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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hellogoodbye "If You Wanna I Might" |
] |
You Are Annoying:
- People who viciously hate someone and then are best friends a week later...I am more so annoyed by the people who take the abuse and then just suck the asshole's dick anyway.
- People whose myspace pictures include gratuitous drinking, smoking, or nudity. Put your tits away, girl.
- People who ride my nuts about hanging out but then don't put any effort into it themselves. This also includes when I make plans and I just get ignored.
- People who can't shut up their fucking dogs or their fucking children.
- Asshole drivers.
- People who provide sex tips for Cosmo. You people are out of your minds.
- People who make really poor decisions for themselves and won't listen to the advice of a person they supposedly respect.
- People who messed it up so that we can't bring liquids on planes.
- People who talk to my boyfriend. And by people I mean stupid whores.
- People (either driving or walking) who just stop suddenly. I know this is a really difficult concept to wrap your minds around, but there is a slight possibility that there may be moving people behind you who do not realize that you want to look into the window at Claire's and that you can only do so by coming to a complete stop.
- People who make excessive amounts of noise in a residential area early in the morning. It would be awesome if you could wait until I'm not asleep to saw down trees and let your kids have yelling contests right outside my window.
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(3 angels | hear you me)
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| "did you see those fireworks explode and fall and fade like tears?" |
[19 Jun 2006|10:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Beulah "Cruel Minor Change" |
] |
Things I Am Trying to Improve About Myself:
1. Try to be less paranoid. Not everybody hates you.
2. I'm not going to let people bully me. I am going to be more assertive.
3. I am going to make an effort to do at least one non-Byron friend thing a week (call, write, hang out, etc).
4. I need to not get mad about things that aren't really mad-worthy.
5. I think it would be better if I found a way to keep myself busy.
6. Not worry about whether or not I'm bothering people. [This sort of relates to number one.]
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(4 angels | hear you me)
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| Aww, I miss you. |
[30 Apr 2006|11:02am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
You Know You're From Maryland When... |
You know more than 10 people who own boats and they all park them at the same marina in Annapolis
You can pronounce and spell "Pocomoke," "Mattaponi," "Accokeek," and "Havre de Grace"
You prononce "Bowie" BOO-ie not BOW-ie or BAUW-ie
1 hour is an easy commute to work
You have more than three recipies for crabcakes
French fries just don't taste right without Old Bay
There are more than two crab places in your town
Even your high school cafeteria made good crabcakes
You got your first lacrosse stick before you were six years old
You call all turtles "terrapins"
You refer to your state as "Merlind"
Your mother shops at Hecht's
You still call Six Flags America "Adventure World", or even "Wild World"
You still remember the Wild World commercial (Wild World's the cure for the summertime blues!)
You can tell the difference between the smells of septic and marsh.
You not only know how to eat hard crabs but you also know how to catch them, cook them and tell the males from the females.
You don't think that Assawoman Bay is a strange name for a body of water.
You know perfectly well why Rehoboth is called "Little San Francisco"
M R Ducks makes perfect sense.
So does C M Wangs.
You think Salisbury is a big city.
You think of dumplings as wet slippery squares of boiled dough.
You and your boss take off of work when the fish are running or the ducks are flying in.
You've eaten muskrat at a church dinner but think it's better the way you fix it.
You think of "Dairy Queen" as a pageant title and not a place to get an ice cream.
"Formal wear" is a ball cap, a flannel shirt and Timberlands.
You still root for the Orioles even when they suck
You'll never understand why tourists come to DC.
When in Florida, you can only laugh when you see signs saying "Real Maryland Blue Crab Cakes!"
You color with "Crowns", take a "Share" with "Wooter" and think the president lives in "Warshenton."
You know the difference between Glen Burnie ghetto and Catonsville ghetto.
Your whole family lives within a 200 mile radius of your town.
Dale Earnhardt's accident was a close personal loss to your father
At least one man in your family is a waterman
You plan for "The Festival" a year in advance.
During the summer, you spend more time in Ocean City than at home.
Margret Heater, Hedspace, Jepetto, Outside Joke and Mary Prankster are people you think are "Famous"
Your radio dial is stuck on 99.1
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Maryland.
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(1 angel | hear you me)
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| "her hips, her hips are like seashells..." |
[25 Apr 2006|10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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onelinedrawing "Bitte Ein Kuss" |
] |
sidenote: I deleted my aim account. So anyone who wants to talk to me, let's hit up the lost art of letter writing.
Oh yeah, and remember when I was really big on apathy? Yes, let's consider that reinstated.
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(3 angels | hear you me)
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[18 Apr 2006|01:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
Stop making movies about spelling bees! We get it.
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(1 angel | hear you me)
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| "do you think it's going to make him change?" |
[17 Apr 2006|06:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Pavement "Cut Your Hair" |
] |
I am not sure why the sound of children is so repulsive, but it definitely is. I am very excited that I get to open my 'windows' to let the breeze in, but that is a double-edged sword. Maybe I would be less hateful if they would let me play with them. But, in a few weeks, I will not even need their pity because I will have a puppy! Or, more precisely, I will have half a puppy. 5/7. I am literally counting down the seconds until May 6th when I get to snatch up a puppy.
I am less concerned about people than I used to be. I am trying harder to mask my awkwardness but I still feel that I have a long way to go. Reintegration into society is not immediate. For some reason, though, I feel comforted with the approach of summer.
Hopefully, this summer will be my last semester at TVI (excuse me, Central New Mexico Community College). For those of you dying to know, this will be my schedule:
Modern World Civilizations MW 1:30-3:20
Intro to Theatre TR 1:30-3:20
Public Speaking (online)
Intro to Anthropology (online)
A+P for Non-Majors (possibly)
Those seem very random but they are what I need to finish up. After that I am going to take off some time, work a little, and then maybe figure out the rest of my life. That is far too daunting of a task right now, though.
These kids are getting younger. I am getting older. Life keeps hurdling by at lightning speed and the next thing you know, we'll all be decrepit and still working at the mall. Just a thought. (And please everyone give up on this whole changing bffs and girlfriends every two minutes - you look ridiculous.)
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(5 angels | hear you me)
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| "you have to accept that you are here and then you're gone..." |
[02 Mar 2006|03:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
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music |
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Bright Eyes "A Perfect Sonnet" |
] |
This is that quiz with the percentages. Here is what it boiled down to:
neat freak, organized, worrying, phobic, fears the unknown, irritable, pessimistic, emotionally sensitive, fears chaos, risk averse, fragile, unadventurous, depressed, frequently second guesses self, likes to fit in, does not like to stand out, perfectionist, hard working, does not like to be alone, clingy, dependent, practical, ordinary, cautious, takes precautions, good at saving money, suspicious, heart over mind, busy, altruistic
I'm not sure how I feel about this. There is not one positive emotional characteristic. Am I really that bad? Of course, my paranoia and hypersensitivity were at 83% so I guess this makes sense.
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(3 angels | hear you me)
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| "monday, you could fall apart...tuesday, wednesday, break my heart..." |
[26 Feb 2006|09:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Cure "Friday I'm In Love" |
] |
"What could be more stupid than to persist in carrying a burden that we constantly want to cast off, to hold our existence in horror, yet cling to it nonetheless, to fondle the serpent that devours us, until it has eaten our heart?" - Voltaire
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(hear you me)
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| "i guess we'll just have to adjust..." |
[21 Feb 2006|07:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Arcade Fire "Wake Up" |
] |
What is occurring in my life? Nothing terribly exciting. I am a barely functioning human being. I do not sleep well; I am always tired. I go to class. I sit at home. I see the boy when we both get a chance. And, I am now afraid of people. I cannot converse with strangers, let alone people I know. I am petrified of doing anything without Byron next to me. I don't like that I'm so dependent right now yet when I look back at my history, it makes sense. I thought I had grown up and become a real person but there always seem to be setbacks.
Don't let me cut my hair, okay? And also don't let me get a puppy. I really, really want one but it's just not logical right now. I wish there was a pet store in the mall where you can play with puppies like in Annapolis. That always used to be heaven, but the dogs have gotten really aggressive lately. And they only bite me.
Tomorrow is Andrew Katzberg's birthday. I miss him. I miss hockey. Actually, let's make a ( list )Most of these things are Maryland-related and I have to wait until August to fix them. I hope that I am done with school by then but at the same time I don't because I have no idea what I am going to do.
Oh, and you're going to want to look at these boys. And here.
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(3 angels | hear you me)
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| "i would really love to kiss you but i'm in no condition..." |
[30 Jan 2006|06:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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We Are Scientists "This Scene Is Dead" |
] |
I wish I could get over how much I miss being seventeen. Those were the greatest times anyone could ask for. I spent the whole time feeling dead, but in retrospect, that was probably the most alive I've ever been. I want to be carefree and careless again, and I don't know why I hold myself back from that now. Everything surrounding me feels so oppressive and unkind that I cannot enjoy life as I should. Cold weather and growing up is a horrible combination. Sadly, I cannot think of a quick fix. I need to get over myself and over the people who hurt me. My current situation is not that bad, but it's not for me. I'm devastated to think that I've already hit my peak.
come on and get gone,
come on and get gone.
come on, you can't go home;
the night is young,
i'm blacking out
but it's been fun.
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(5 angels | hear you me)
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